The Kid Sister of Blessed Imelda

It still surprises me, this joy… Not so much that I experience it here, and now, as a Catholic Christian… That is becoming more familiar. It is the way it crashes through me in response to seeing God at work, lifting me on swells of Joy that is not my own, in reaction to works that are not my own, overflowing in tears when my body can not hold it all, and then returning to it’s Source in praise which flows more surely and perfectly than the pathetic words with which I attempt to express it.  That is still a surprise… perhaps surprise is not an adequate word, perhaps awe would do better… I am still in awe of the Joy He shares with me over His children.

A pm from a friend on the forums is what triggered this musing… A protestant believer, very much like myself at one time.  Some of what she says…

I just wanted to share something that has been happening to me lately since I was thrust headlong into this quest concerning Catholicism.
It seems to me that I am experiencing some sort of freedom that I have never experienced before. Most evangelicals think that Catholics are burdened with many man-made rules, always questioning a misstep that will send them to the hot place. I am finding through my reading and prayer that it is just the opposite.

What I am learning is that Catholics have the Eucharist to help them live godly lives, they have the saints to pray for them, they have confession to cleanse their soul, they are all members of Gods family. One day I will be a Catholic and be able to fully partake! It’s like I want to break the door down at the Church and beg for them to receive me into the family.

I identify so strongly with these comments, as well as her experiences on the issue of the Communion of Saints (not posted here), among others (also not posted). By the end of the second sentence above, the Joy had burst upon me, and by the end (which is not posted here) I was in tears.  I have been there. I know what that is like, I remember the confusion at the freedom, the joy it brought, and the stunning realization that THIS was GRACE! The line ‘(When I run) I can feel His pleasure’ from Chariots of Fire has a whole new meaning now because I know what His pleasure feels like.  I felt His pleasure as I read her message.  I felt His joy at her understanding, at the freedom it brought her, at her desire to be One with Him in His Body.  Not only that, but His joy has become mine. 

In my life as a protestant, I never felt any of that.  I knew that we were supposed to have freedom and grace, that the Joy of the Lord was ours, as was the peace that passes understanding.  I knew that His yoke was supposed to be light, and yet I felt like a beast of burden. Even after He became my God, and not just the God of my fathers… I felt like such a failure as a Christian.  I wanted SO badly to please Him and was doing my best to live in such a way as to do so… and yet while I knew He was leading me, while I knew I was growing in Him, I felt such a failure as His child. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to ‘feelings’ such as those, having long known that feelings are not trustworthy… and yet the scriptures told of things that a child of God should have, and I knew them not and that was burdensome indeed.

Please don’t misunderstand.  I am not criticizing the churches of my youth and my protestant upbringing… Those were foundational in my knowledge and understanding of God.  I am eternally grateful to them because without them I would not be where I am now.  I have criticized many things IN them, but only because I was not easily swayed and God had to show me the problems, the errors, and allow that irritation to build before I was ready to listen.  Then He began to show me the Truth (using first the sacred scriptures, then Tradition, and later the Early Church Fathers among other things), the answers to the errors, why the problems were there… and He used that to move me.  So I am caught between loving those churches for what they gave me, and having to be honest about the problems I saw and experienced in the light of God’s teaching, and the blessings found once I obeyed what that Truth demanded.

I said earlier that I knew that we were supposed to have freedom and grace, that the Joy of the Lord was ours, as was the peace that passes understanding. That I knew that His yoke was supposed to be light, and yet I felt like a beast of burden. As I have been obedient to God in becoming a Catholic, as the wealth and riches of sacred scripture and the Christian life opened up anew in the light of Truth, all of these things have become mine and I have mounted on wings as an eagle instead of plodding in the mud as a beast of burden. Not only that, but when someone comes into the Family now (specifically the Catholic Church), I do not applaud and wonder if it is real for them, and how long it will last as I did in days of old. (Call me jaded but much experience was the basis of that reaction.) Instead, that Joy floods me again and I rejoice over them as surely as I do any of my own children. 

This happens so often lately… God is calling so many of His children ‘home to Rome’, and occasionally I am given a glimpse into the life of such a one.  Each one is so precious, each time I get to share and encourage, to laugh and cry with Joy over one such a gift from God. I am so grateful for what He has done in me, and so grateful for what I see Him doing in the lives of those around me, whether friends, acquaintances, or strangers behind a username in an online forum. Morning has broken, Joy has come, and everything has become new in it’s light.

Remember, Howard is the brother of Elizabeth Elliot…

Some favorite quotes from the book, without commentary.  Though long, absolutely not to be missed… the last is, by far, not the least.

 From the Foreword by Father Richard John Neuhaus: 

‘Becoming a Catholic is not a matter of preference but of duty freely embraced.  …I must add, joyfully embraced.’

‘For the non-Catholic Christian, becoming a Catholic is the completion of what he already is.’

‘A great strength of Lead, Kindly Light is that the author does not blink at all that is unsatisfactory in the Catholic Church today.  There is so much that is unsatisfactory; there always has been and there always will be until the final coming of the promised
Kingdom of God. I confess to missing the more elevated liturgical language and, most painfully, the great hymnody that I knew as a Lutheran.  Dr. Howard has his own list of thoroughly justified discontents with contemporary Catholicism.  But all that fades into relative insignificance by comparison with all that is gained in becoming a Catholic. In any event, the point is not whether I prefer being a Catholic, although I do.  The point, as Thomas Howard rightly insists, is “whether something is true or not”.

 From the text of Lead, Kindly Light: 

Re: differences in understanding of what worship is…

‘I came to see that the Eucharistic liturgy, far from being merely “a” worship service among many options all spread out like a smorgasbord to please the sundry tastes of us Christians, was “the prayer of the Church”, the Great Thanksgiving, which took shape very quickly after Pentecost, and constituted, quite simply, what the ancient Church had understood by worship.  It is not a disputed point: the denominations that have substituted a “worship service” with the sermon as the piece de resistance, only intermittently including “communion”, would agree that yes, they have, in fact, substituted a recently devised service for the Church’s ancient Eucharistic liturgy, but that they have good reasons for doing so. …It is all a matter of what one prefers…This is a confused line of thought … The Church, as she moved out into the long haul of history during the decades that followed Pentecost, did not cobble up varieties of “worship experiences” in response to what everybody wanted.  Liturgy is not just a fancy service for people who like ritual: it is “the work of the people” (that is what the word means), and that work, from the beginning has been understood by the Church to be the offering of our worship in union with Christ’s self-offering to the Father. The Lord’s Table is the particular locale of this offering of ours. The modern Protestant preaching service abbreviates the liturgy, lopping off the anaphora (the offering-that is, the Eucharist itself) and leaving only the synaxis (the “gathering”-that is, the readings from Scripture and the homily).’

In reference to the liturgy, the liturgical year, etc…

‘… the pattern of our interior life takes shape…”

As regards the Real Presence in the Eucharist…

‘…the Word made flesh, “made present” (this is what anamnesis, the word the Lord used for “remembrance”, means) in the Eucharist.’

On Sola Scriptura…

‘Not a few of us may think, during our less reflective moments, that all we need is the Bible and our own wits.  Sola Scriptura.  Just me and my Bible. But that is a notion unimaginable to the ancient Church.’

On authority and discipline (and unity and a number of other applications)…

‘And the Fundamentalists, while they may have fierce and exact views, all have their own spheres of influence- independent congregations and affiliations and seminaries- so that no one needs to listen to anyone else.’

‘Saint Paul had called the Church, not the Bible, “the pillar and ground of the truth” (I Tim 3:15).’

On Church roots…

‘Clearly we modern non-Catholics were living in a scheme of things altogether unimaginable to the Twelve Apostles and the Fathers of the Church.’

Under Ecclesiastical Confrontation…

‘The trouble here, for me, was that what these wrong-headed men wrote- about God, about our Lord Jesus Christ, about his Church, about the Christian’s walk and warfare- was so titanic, and so rich and so luminous, that their error seemed infinitely truer and more glorious than my truth. I gradually felt that it was I who was under surveillance, not they.  The “glorious company of the apostles, the noble army of martyrs, and the holy Church throughout all the world” judge me, not I them.’

Also on Church authority…

‘If one will read the story of those decades that followed Pentecost, and especially of those that followed upon the death of the apostles, one will discover that the unction to teach and to preside in the Church that passed from the Lord to the apostles-and from the apostles to the bishops- was understood tob e an apostolic unction. I, for example, could not start up out of the bulrushes and say, “Hi everybody! The Lord has led me to be a bishop! I’m starting me a church over here.” The Holy Spirit, in those days, did not carry on private transactions with isolated souls and then announce to the Church that so-and-so had been anointed for this or that ministry.  Even in the extreme case of Paul, the Damascus road crisis had to be subjected to and ratified by the Church.’

On Church unity…

‘There was one Church: the Church was one. And this was a discernible, visible, embodied unity, not a loose aggregate of moderately like-minded believers with their various task forces all across the globe.’

On worship (ie the Mass)…

‘The whole presents such a shape of  such rich perfection that one wonders what exactly is the task of the “coordinators of worship” on the staff of various churches.  The worship of the ancient Church is far from being a matter of endless tinkering, experiementing, and innovating.  The entire mystery of revelation and redemption is unfurled for us in the Church’s liturgy.’

On the sacraments…

‘Sacrament is the Latin word for the Greek mystyrion-mystery, or pledge.  And, indeed, we are in the presence of mystery here, for the sacraments, like the Incarnation itself, constitute physical points at which the eternal touches time, or the unseen touches the seen, or grace touches nature.’

On Catholicism and Mary…

‘… the word Catholic took on all the vitality and ardor and articulateness for which I longed, and Marian piety, far from detracting from the Christocentric nature of the Faith, was shown to be the very handmaiden of true Christocentrism.’

On becoming Catholic…

‘It was as though I stood on a threshold, and the door now stood open before me.’

‘…unfolded with such clarity, and that has been in the event, ratified and validated gloriously and incalculably…’

On Sacred Scripture and Tradition…

‘Non-Catholics often fear that Tradition entails a shelving of the Bible, and a turning to a second, separate source (the imaginations of mere men) for doctrine. Not so. Scripture and Tradition cannot be sundered any more than hydrogen and oxygen can be sundered if we want water, or any more than Bread can be sundered in the Eucharist.’

On the inability to settle all issues in his mind before becoming obedient and Catholic…

‘On certain points I had to step down, as it were, from my unwitting, self-appointed role as arbiter and judge of all doctrine, and remind myself that I had, indeed, become convinced that the Catholic Church is the Church-and that there was a sense in which a man may have to “hand over” to that Church the final responsibility for doctrine.’

On the Rosary…

‘In this connection it would be an excellent thing for non-Catholics to refrain altogether from assessing whether the rosary is a legitimate, and even rich, mode of prayer.  The rosary constitutes a discipline that is entirely unimaginable to one who is a stranger to it. …Where the rosary is sincerely and regularly prayed, you find ardent piety and pure devotion to the Lord.  The rosary cannot coexist with cynicism, worldliness, unbelief, pride, and concupiscence.’

On the failures of the Catholic Church, and lack of unity with it…

‘As Augustine would teach us to say, “Alas: your criticism is too true. There may be wounds and bruises and putrefying sores, from the crown of the head to the soles of the feet; but  we cannot dismember and hack to pieces the Body of Christ.’

On becoming Catholic…

‘I may say that every yearning, aspiration, hope, and desire that marked my life as a most earnest Protestant Evangelical, and then as an Anglican, has been fulfilled a thousand times over. I have come home. I have dropped anchor. I have taken my place in the Church of the apostles, Fathers, confessors, martyrs, bishops, saints, and all the Catholic faithful. I have nothing to “protest”.’

As if I didn’t have ENOUGH to read already (see last Current Reading post), I found out that Thomas Howard wrote MORE books!  So, in a moment of enthusiasm over the discovery, the books LEAPT into my cart and arrived on my doorstep before I could remember that I have PLENTY ‘NUFF reading material already. Poor. Me.   

• Lead, Kindly Light: My Journey to Rome

This one is ‘filler’ so to speak, filling in the gap between Evangelical is Not Enough: Worship of God in Liturgy and Sacrament and On Being Catholic both also by Howard.

• If Your Mind Wanders at Mass

Not that mine does, but the description was intriguing and as this is something often discussed with those who are NOT RC and who have questions, another perspective by someone as excellent as Howard is not to be missed.

Both smallish and slender as they lay temptingly alongside the other wealth I have yet to plumb and it is only Wednesday… How I long for the weekend and the freedom to read until my eyes blur over.

I have a friend who is on a journey very similar to mine.  She is still learning and has not made it ‘home’ yet, and so it has been a great blessing and honor to talk to her about various issues as she reads and studies…  Her husband is also learning but she generally gets to the books first.   As she has been sharing with her family what she is learning her teenage son is really struggling with some things, one of which is the Blood portion of transubstantiation. His rebuttal of that was based in the teaching against consumption of blood in the Old Testament.  So the other evening as I was going to sleep I was meditating on the problem… and got something interesting…

What are the characteristics of a sin offering? It was done as atonement for sin. It was an animal, which was killed. Also, this wasn’t just done once, it had to be repeated… both for individual sins and for the sins of the community at large. It was an atonement, but not a ‘perfect’ atonement in that it would have to be repeated again as necessary. Also, the sin offering was eaten… we see that with the lamb in the institution of Passover during the Exodus and in Leviticus 6:19-20.  (Even more interesting is that in vs 20 anyone who “touches it’s flesh shall become sacred” - italic emphasis mine.  Imagine then if merely touching the flesh of the sin offering makes the person sacred, what consuming it might do?) Furthermore, what did the sin offering accomplish? It was offered for the atonement of sin, right?  What does blood signify in Sacred Scripture? Leviticus 17:11 tells us that “Since the life of a living body is in its blood, I have made you put it on the altar, so that atonement may thereby be made for your own lives, because it is the blood as the seat of life, that makes atonement.”  Blood shed has of course, always been necessary for the atonement of sin, but it was not allowed to be consumed. Why could the meat be eaten, but not the blood if both were offered in atonement? (I’m sure there were a variety of reasons but am thinking of something specific as a possibility here…) So why did Jesus institute consumption of the wine as Blood (via transubstantiation) when previously that had been forbidden?

One of the things I’ve learned through all of this study and change in the last few years, which was really an extension of all the Judaic study and understanding, has been a new element to what I already understood about covenants.  Looking back through Sacred Scripture we see repeatedly how God came to man and made covenants, and sometimes He revisited covenants and added new things to them… like addendums of a sort. However, when you look at all the covenants of the Old Testament, you see that over time God is adding successive layers in each new covenant.  New details, new practice, which gives added depth and understanding. What you still have throughout it all however, is the understanding that there is no permanent solution for our sinful nature.  We needed repeated cleansing for our sins, many sin offerings.  They did not give us a new life, they cleaned the mess we made in the old and then we went forth and tried not to make new messes… but there was no ‘new life’ offered in that atonement. Then you hit the life of Christ, and you  hear Christ say that He has come not to abolish the law but to fulfill the law and by His very life He is fulfilling prophecy. Then by His DEATH He becomes the perfect sacrifice for the atonement for sin (and this time it IS a perfectly perfect sacrifice… no need for a repeat performance), fulfilling not only prophecy but covenant as well and placing the final layer and seal on all the covenants that came before in preparation for this moment. In the night before He places that seal, He does something very important and very interesting in celebrating the Passover.  He holds up the bread,tells them to take and eat saying this is my body which will be broken for you. THEN, He takes the cup and says take and drink, this is my blood which will be shed for you and for all for the forgiveness of sins. WHOA… that’s new! Eating the body is something they are familiar with, drinking the blood is NOT. WHY, in this sacrifice Christ makes for us, this perfectly perfect sacrifice that is in atonement for sin that will never have to be repeated, does He tell us to drink wine which is His Blood?

Remember what else blood is in Leviticus 17:11 besides just atonement for sin? It was LIFE! Unlike all the previous sin offerings, in Christ’s death as our perfect sacrifice He gives us something MORE than just atonement, something new! He gives us LIFE! Not the same old life, but NEW life, with the law written on our hearts! (Jeremiah 31:33-34) Could THAT be (part of the reason) why it was forbidden before? Because the other sin offerings did NOT give life? As for contradictions, there are none. The ban against consumption is not violated in the Eucharist because while we are consuming the Blood of Christ, the accidentals of the ‘bread’ remain, while its SUBSTANCE was changed. Also, like those who touched/ate the sin offering, when we partake of the Eucharist, we too are changed! We too become sacred, taking on more of the likeness of Christ.  We are being obedient to God and remembering His Son in the MANNER we are told to do so with no conflict whatsoever… and the riches and blessing that comes from all the completeness of the fullfilled covenant is ours as His children and join heirs!

You know, I really like the handy-dandy little book thing that you can put in the sidebar… but let’s be frank… those weren’t made for people like me… Don’t understand? You will by the end of this post.

I’ve never been one to read more than one book at a time, and was really surprised at one of my daughters who has been known to read up to five at a time.  I had to eat crow on that recently though… A topic came up, ok a SERIES of related topics came up in the homeschooling forums, which resulted in some really serious discussion and reading… some new ‘players’ and as sometimes happens books recommend OTHER books… and so I found myself with an Amazon box full and as I spread them out, I simply couldn’t decide what to read first, and couldn’t BEAR to not start them all.  That is how I ended up with a stack of books on my night table as long as my arm… ALL with bookmarks stuck in them… and guess what I got in the mail today!!!!!

You guessed it… another box… and I have five new ones that are all vying for my attention… I wasn’t finished with the OTHERS YET!

So without further ado… the current list…

Currently reading…

Where We Got The Bible: Our Debt to the Catholic Church by Henry G. Graham

Explains a great deal about what are called the ‘Apocryphal’ books, explains in detail what modifications were made to the Sacred Scriptures by leaders of the Reformation and why.  Also goes into translations of scripture, and the disagreements between the Church and various ‘translators’ of the time.  Has really brought serious changes in my understanding and thought process on what version of the Bible I use.  Really good book, would’ve almost been ‘gulpable’ if it hadn’t made me so mad I had to take a break before I could finish it. Definitely a keeper, already have promised it to a friend on loan.

Edited to add: This has somewhat of an angry tone, some sarcasm… but honestly, I can see WHY.  Very much strikes me as written when he’d been pushed to the end of his wits (and tolerance) and due to being written before the age of ‘politically correct speech’, it is capable of stealing your breath at times… as well as making you laugh.

Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross

Excellent, but a very hard read.  I am so far from where I want to be… Only can handle a few pages at a time.

The Ball and the Cross by G.K. Chesterton

Also a hard read, a little more tedious but some really. excellent. quotes. in what I’ve managed to cover already.

The Sign of Jonas by Thomas Merton

This has been an unexpected blessing in book form.  Amazing how some of Merton’s spiritual experiences are very similar to my own despite the differences in our vocations.  So encouraging to know that I don’t have to be single or in the religious life to proceed in similar fashion in spiritual growth.  The peace of the lifestyle shown between those other ‘bits’ makes this a very good book for those last minutes before putting out the light.

The How-To Book of the Mass by Michael Dubruiel

Since I am already ‘there’ on the Mass, this is more informational than anything… an interesting read though and an aid for teaching the girls.

Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within by Thomas Dubay, S.M.

I’m getting a lot out of this book, but in some ways I’m having to weed through some stuff I won’t use or don’t need.  Still worth it though, for the good stuff.  Formal spiritual direction doesn’t seem to be ‘in the cards’ for me, but I can see how God has provided similar ‘materials’ and assistance in other avenues. 

Deep Conversion Deep Prayer by Thomas Dubay, S.M.

Really good read.  More useful in some ways than the Spiritual Direction book.

Recently received and probably should be added to the currently reading list (because when I finish typing I’m gonna start these TOO!)…

New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton

Praying the Psalms by Thomas Merton

Catholic & Christian by Alan Schreck

By What Authority? An Evangelical Discovers Catholic Tradition by Mark P. Shea

Edited to add: Very. Good. Book!  Unique style of writing, very conversational, amusing, but direct and full of truth. Wonderful way of making things easier to understand and approach. Definitely a keeper. (Who am I kidding, all of these are keepers… just some for different reasons.)

Jesus, Peter & The Keys: A Scriptural Handbook on the Papacy by Scott Butler, Norman Dahlgren, and Rev. Mr. David Hess

Edited to add: Not but a few pages into this, but it has me fascinated.  Excellent stuff… Amazing how some conclusions come to in discussions with a devout friend are offered here in very. similar. language.  Can’t wait to read more…

The Turin Shroud: The Illustrated Evidence by Ian Wilson and Barrie Schwortz

Edited to add: Always believed in the Shroud as the cloth Christ was buried in, but this goes into details, some of which I have not been aware.  Very good.

and last but not least… the Soon-To-Be-Read pile…

Saint Thomas Aquinas/Saint Francis of Assisi by G.K. Chesteron

The Everlasting Man by G.K. Chesteron

My Jesus, Encountering Christ in the Gospel by Christoph Cardinal Schonborn

And then before I finished this listing, a friend recommended yet another book which has taken it’s place on my Amazon Wish List…

So many books, so little time…   

I have mentioned somewhere on this blog that I am estranged from much of my family, and that since the move about fifteen months ago, I had not spoken to my Dad.  That was my decision, and in no way his fault.  We had a running phone relationship since 2000 and the move opened up the opportunity for some time ‘away’ so to speak and I really felt the need for that.  Time to take a step back, get my bearings etc.  I tend to lack… perspective… perhaps in my relationship with him.  I would email or call, and perhaps it would take a week or two before he’d respond.  Instead of the normal assumptions about time constraints or his being busy, I would assume he was upset with me, that something I’d said had offended him… or something equally obsessive.  I would haunt my email box, and obsess over whether or not I’d hear from him that day.  It just really wasn’t a healthy way for me to be… so despite telling him I would, I didn’t call after the move.  I just couldn’t call and say I need time, I didn’t want to hurt him, and as time went on it just got harder to make that step to try to explain… I’d try to word something and no words would come and I’d give up. There was much I wanted to share with him though, so I’d write him letters that I never mailed. I prayed for him, and the rest of the family very often, wondered how he was, but God was working in me and this time of quiet was really beneficial and as a result, also good for my husband and children… Also, I knew that re-establishing contact would be hard and while I was beginning to be ready for that, the possibility of hostility from my step-mother, or my sister, really dampened any urge to pick up the phone.

Then about a week ago I began to dream about Dad.  That isn’t uncommon, happens sometimes, but this time was different.  I’d dream about him, he’d come to mind all during the next day, and then the next night I dreamt about him again, this time with him asking why I hadn’t called, and I promised in the dream to call.  Woke up the next day and thought how odd it was to be having this so consistently, thought about him a good bit that day too, and went to bed again the third night.  Well. There was no sleeping that night… in fact, during the hours after I went to bed, and sometime before 1 a.m., I realized this was the Lord and He wasn’t going to let me go to sleep until I committed to do what He wanted.  Sure enough, sometime around 1:30 a.m. I finally said ok! I’ll call tomorrow! Never saw the time again and slept the rest of the night.

Well good grief.  If I’d known that the Lord (and not just some part of my subconcious)  was saying now was the time to reach out and get back in touch I’d have done it on day one… after all, I had missed our talks and would be happy to have them resume… but Lord, if you want me to make the call, can you at least make sure Dad answers the phone instead of someone who’ll give me a hard time? So I picked up the phone and sure enough, Dad answered.  It was a pretty good call and it was so good to hear his voice again.  He forgave me for waiting so long to call and gave me his email so I sent him a note, along with the blog links… the fact that I’ve become Catholic since we last talked meant a lot to catch up on and I thought perhaps an easy way to get things rolling was to share those.

Since then, I’ve not heard from him.  There for a bit I began that old spiral of obsessing until finally I began to pray about it.  God helped me realize that I had done what He wanted me to do, I had reached out, I had opened up that ‘pathway’ again… and instead of obsessing over what I desperately want - that close relationship with the father I have always loved so dearly- I had to let go once again and accept that whatever comes, I’m in the center of God’s will, attentive to His voice, and let whatever that will is be enough.  That ‘check’ of sorts recentered me and the peace and balance has returned… so instead of the obsession and worry, when I’ve thought of Dad these last few days I’ve spent the time and effort in prayer for him instead… What a beautiful place that is to be… God has given me new freedom to rest in Him in this area of my life which so desperately needed His touch… Yet another way God had to clean me up because of problems in my own life before I could interact properly with someone else…

This is a little more ‘personally’ intimate post in some ways than just ’spiritually’ intimate but it is primarily a spiritual issue for me and that is why it is here. So many times these ‘personal’ struggles as God cleans me up aren’t just for me, and it is so much easier to say yes, I’ve been there, read this than to have to retype it, or worse yet, to forget something that might be important later.

I’m learning that just because God deals with areas of myself that are unhealthy doesn’t mean that those ‘illnesses’ heal as though they never existed… He leaves me vulnerable there… keeps me dependant on Him… and in my weakness He is glorified. Help me Lord to embrace that weakness, and not disdain that through which you work in me.